Hillary Clinton's Breasts...Are None Of Our Business

One week ago today, Robin Givham, staff writer at the Washington Post, published a mid-length article based on a glimpse of Hillary Clinton's cleavage during a Senate discussion. Givham then expounds upon the Senator's changing fashion choices over the years. Why is this news? Why did the Washington Post, a reputable newspaper, deign to print something so ridiculously irrelevant to the political spectrum? Sure, it's sexist: it's considerably more difficult to capture men's naughty bits on camera. It highlights the gender issues that seem to bother us so very much in terms of politics. But folks, that issue is only one of plumbing. I am sure there are other issues surrounding Clinton, who is a rather newsworthy individual these days. I am also quite sure that there are many credible issues Givham could delve into, as opposed to ridiculous sensationalist tabloid fodder, if she (or he) really desired.

Severus Snape, I seriously misjudged you

So waaaaay back in January I published my personal Harry Potter theories, speculating as to the final outcome of the seventh book. Well, now that book has been published (if you weren't aware of that, scooch out from under that rock) and quickly read. If you haven't finished the book, skedaddle away because all the big plot points are covered here. So was I right? Let's check out the scorecard! BTW, the purple print is from the original blog entry. The black is new.

1. Voldemort: I feel sure Voldemort will kick the bucket in book seven. My running theory since about book four has been that Neville Longbottom will be the one to roast his rooster, despite Harry as the obvious choice. Lately, I've considered an alternative. Voldemort may die as a result of a mistake he has made (or will make), much in the manner of a Shakespearean tragic flaw (of course, seen here in the villain and not the hero). If Harry does kill Voldemort, it will be in revenge for a recent killing-probably either Hagrid or Ginny.

Well, I nailed this one. At least with my alternative. There's a lesson to be learned here: don't try to become the supreme evildoer of the world, or you will accidentally kill yourself.

2. Dumbledore: "As your official coroner,I've thoroughly examined Dumbledore.And he's not only merely deadHe's really most sincerely dead!"However, Dumbledore will communicate with Harry in the form of advice from his portrait in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts, via Sirius' two-way mirrors.

Dumbledore: really dead. Also, really, really flawed. However, he didn't do an communication with Harry in the way I expected. His brother did, but I wasn't talking about that Dumbledore in the original post!


3. Also, Fawkes will travel with Harry et. al. and will supply Harry with the sword of Gryffindor (again).

Er, no. Was Fawkes in this book? However, the Sorting Hat did throw in an appearance to supply Neville with the sword of Gryffindor.

4. Sirius: He will reappear long enough for Kreacher to poke him in the eye with a stick. Shaggy dog/dirty house-elf wrestling will ensue. No mud, hoses, jello, or KY Jelly will be involved.

Kreacher really was what he had been made. I heart Kreacher.

5. Aunt Petunia: She is really a witch who has suppressed that part of her. This rejection of part of her personality is what causes her to live so unhappily as a faux-Muggle.

This one was my own personal, private belief, despite the fact that J.K. Rowling had said in an interview that Aunt Petunia most definitely was not a witch. So I shot myself in the foot, but on purpose. Incidentally, her anger at the wizarding world stemmed from the fact that she was jealous of her sister's talents.

6. Filch: He will do magic in some desperate circumstance. Animal bestiality laws in the magical realm will be changed, clearing the path for a marriage with his beloved Ms. Norris. Grossness ensues.

No. Thank heavens.

7. The locket Horcrux is currently held by Dumbledore's brother Aberforth. Mundungus Fletcher stole it from Grimmauld Place and passed it to Aberforth for safekeeping on Dumbledore's orders (though none were aware it was a Horcrux at the time). Goat-loving Aberforth will also benefit from the revised bestiality laws, and he and Filch will create a communist collective (okay! I'm sorry!).

My imagination ran a little wild with that last one. Though I still wonder what on earth became of Aberforth and the goats.

8. Percy Weasley and Draco Malfoy both are redeemed and return to the sides of good.

I think I am mostly right here. Percy, obviously, but Malfoy only a little bit.

9. Snape wants to be a bad guy, but doesn't have it in him. He is spared by Harry only to be killed by Voldemort. What a miserable dude. He should have stuck with the cushy teaching job and taken advantage of the dental plan.

Could I have been more wrong? I never would have guessed it: Snape the good guy. I'm glad I didn't have money on this! Interestingly, he is killed by Voldemort.

10. Deaths: Voldemort, Hagrid, possibly Ginny, Snape, and the Weasley twins OR Bill and Charlie OR Percy and Mr. Weasley.

Actual deaths: Voldemort (check!), Snape (check), Fred Weasley (half check!), Mad Eye, Tonks, Lupin, Dobby, and Hedwig. Poor Hedwig! :(

11. Survivors: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Mrs. Weasley, Draco Malfoy

Actual survivors: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Mrs. Weasley, Draco Malfoy. At least I got that right.

12. In the end? Good defeats evil. Hooray!

In the end? Evil defeated its own evil self. Hooray!

It's Independence Day

Click on the title for a really neat, informative page about the Declaration of Independence. You can even personally sign it!

In between the sparklers and cookouts, take a moment to honor the collective history of the United States of America.

There Are Nuclear Bugs In Georgia!!

Can you believe it? Georgia has scary Three Mile Island Chernobyl bugs. We saw this in the yard yesterday evening (not this one, the one we saw was moving too fast for a picture) and jumped about six feet. An inch long ant! So named because the bite is said to be painful enough to drop a cow. Crazy! It is not actually an ant; it is a wingless wasp. Well, that just makes me feel all sorts of better. In related news, Josh proved that white men can jump. :)

So I Got Carded

....at a movie. I understand the occasional bottle of wine at the grocery store carding, but really? A movie? I just don't think I look like a high schooler trying to sneak into an R-rated movie. Though don't let that stop you from seeing "Knocked Up", which is a rather funny and sneakily sweet movie. It's definitely a date movie: guys and girls will love it. If she can get in the door, that is.

Sorry about that last month-moving is no fun, everyone! The unpacking is going pretty well, though I still haven't managed to find any of my clothes. I've just been washing and rewearing the ones I took to the AP reading. They'll show up. If the movers were inclined to steal anything, it would have been the Xbox. :)

Burning...er, Banning Books

Click the title for a link to the latest news in the one-woman crusade to ban the Harry Potter books from local school libraries (in Lawrenceville, GA, where I'm moving next month). Having exhausted her state options, Laura Mallory is now contemplating appealing to federal court. This is not only a misuse of the legal system, it's also quite tiresome and appalling. How dare someone attempt to limit the thought of others? How dare someone limit the reading material and imaginative possibilities of other people?

It is entirely one's own business to confiscate particular reading materials within your own household or family, but it is a violation of the rights of others when you attempt to enforce your beliefs in such a way. It is obnoxious, presumptive, and incredibly limiting.

Reading books encourages imagination, creativity, molds language skills, and most importantly allows the process of analytical thinking to develop. Thanks, Mom, for encouraging me to read and allowing independent thought.

My Superhero Alter-Ego

(cue inspiring music)

(cue announcer voice)

"Madam President:
Defender of the Constitution!
Protector of the Free and the Brave!
Obliviator of the Alien, Sedition, and PATRIOT Acts!"

Well, that's the heading of my manifesto, anyway. More details below!

Beleaguered enemy: George W. Bush
Beleaguered enemy's current location: on vacation.

my Clark Kent uniform:
*VOTE t-shirt
*jeans
*sneakers
*sexy librarian glasses

my Madam President uniform:
*VOTE t-shirt
*jeans
*sneakers (because you have to sit to change sneakers,
and there's no room to sit in a phone booth)
*American flag cape
*Star-Spangled headband

No one will recognize me now! :)

A Letter From Amy

This email won't be that articulate, and perhaps not that fun to read, but I just need to tell you about this. I have spent the last two days at the national hospital of Niamey, doing translations. Every three months a group of American doctors come, solely on their own dime, and stay for about 2 weeks to do free operations for bush women with fistula. A fistula is a small hole that is usually somewhere on or around the bladder, urethra or that general area, that causes women to leak urine and feces on themselves. Fistulas are caused during childbirth....normally when a young girl is married (seen some under the age of 10), who is not yet physically developed enough to have a child (has no hips or width to allow her to birth a baby), they develop a fistula. The weight of the baby during childbirth rubs her insides, until tissue is injured and dies, creating a hole. I, like most of you, had never heard of this before coming to Niger. It's almost non-existent in the West, due to our level of obstetric care, and to the fact that most of us don't get married and pregnant at 12 years old.

Most women who get fistulas are chased out of their villages by their husbands, since they can't control when they urinate, they smell bad and people call them dirty. These women have nowhere to go.....some become prostitutes, many have small children to take care of, and lots live on the streets. The few who are lucky enough to hear about the hospital's program in Niamey, or who can scrounge up bus fare to travel to Niamey, sometimes receive help. Those are the women I've seen today.

When you walk around and talk to them, they are just like any other Nigerien women....curious, a bit reserved, but smiling and ready to talk to you. I walked around the courtyard at the hospital where many of them live....some have been living in a concreted square of the hospital for over 10 years, because they simply have no where else to go. I was happy to be there, and it was nice being of use to the American doctors, helping them greet people and meet some of the women. I held babies, admired beadwork they'd done, spoke softly to the very sick, and laughed with the ones got a kick out of me being able to talk directly to them.

But once we got started with examinations, my mood started to change. I went through file after file, asking women to describe just how many still born babies they'd birthed, when exactly their husband left them, and to try and remember how many operations strangers had done for them at free clinics across the country. And once we made it to the examining room, where some were nearly in tears at the shame they felt...baring the most personal parts of their bodies for strange doctors who couldn't speak the same language, I saw what it means for some women here to be women.

To be a woman here is to never, under any circumstances, show any pain. During childbirth they say nothing, NOTHING, because it is considered weak. If a woman so much as cries out once, they will be made fun of and feel shame forever after. So I watched their breathing change, their muscles tighten, their eyes water, so that I could tell the doctors when they were in pain. I watched woman after woman climb onto the examining table, open their skirts, and reveal bodies I couldn't understand. I got confused a few times, in comparing what I knew a woman's anatomy to look like, with what was in front of me. I thought back on all the times I'd looked in the mirror, and measured my proportions visually, or women I'd seen in magazines, or friends I'd seen after sports competitions. And nothing, nothing I'd ever seen worked as a frame of reference for what I was seeing on the exam table. I saw vaginas leaking urine, and feces, vaginas that had dropped almost completely out of women's bodies, young 15 year olds, dark beautiful skin on their face, legs and arms, until you get to the stomachs where someone had sliced them from top to bottom and back again during a botched C-section. Women who'd been circumcised, with no future possibility for pleasure, no clitoris. So, so, so many women with bodies too small for carrying a child.

Women, girls, children, who'd been forced into marriage, by fathers who'd needed dowry money, by village culture that says that's all they're supposed to do in life. Women who'd received medical care from people barely trained to put in proper sutures. Women who'd been operated on countless times, by strangers who come and go, those same women who'd never quite understood what the operations were supposed to accomplish, or why they never seemed to totally work. Living in a land that has never encouraged them to demand medical care, or to insist themselves worthy enough to recieve treatment, silence is what it means to be female.

There were women there of every shade, from young girls to the old and wise, every ethnic group, and from the farthest regions of the country. At one point I stopped and laughed because we had 4 translators for one patient.....English from American doctors to me, Zarma from me to a Nigerien doctor, Hausa from the Nigerien doctor to a Beri Beri woman, Beri Beri from a young woman to her friend, who only speaks Beri Beri.

I stopped a woman I'd helped translate for, Mimouna was her name. It was hard to tell how old she was....a 15 year old's body but a 40 year old's face. I took her hand and told her I was sorry, that I saw how this problem made them suffer and I knew it was hard to be examined by strangers. She barely looked me in the eye, with no appeasing smile, no anything in her voice, she simply said, "Thats just the way it is."

Thats just the way it is.

Bodies that bear witness to oppression. This is no longer theory for me, something in a college text or a naive but well intentioned idealistic classroom argument. It's everyday. I didn't know what pain and sexism and oppression looked like, until I saw that first young girl unwrap her skirt.

When is it going to stop?
I ask you,
when
is
it
going
to
stop?

Cry with me, imagine what it looks like, what it feels like, how little joy and quality of life there is. Those women, those girls are our sisters. When is it going to stop?

Amy

Primary Madness

Well, I was not altogether thrilled with the initial move to South Carolina, and for a few weeks punted about such unoriginal complaints as "too flat", "too hot", and "I had NO idea my hair could possibly frizz THIS much." I don't think southern women make their hair big on purpose, after having survived a summer, fall, and another fall that called itself "winter" here. It's just so humid they have no other choice. But I digress. Anyway, I tried to content myself by thinking of all the wonderful things that are here in South Carolina that are not anywhere else. My neat house...my first teaching job...Josh and Magic...but then I hit upon the best of them all.

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES!!!!!!!!! WHOOO!

No, seriously. Primaries are awesome! Particularly when you have recently moved from North Carolina (where my primary vote was thrown in the "why bother" pile, and my presidential vote was thrown in an even larger "why bother" pile) to the state that recently moved its primary so it is now THIRD IN THE NATION. I nearly wet my pants when I realized that. Ooh, wait, I just did again. J/K. Okay: a brief background for the politically unenlightened (aka Americans, minus seven). A primary is an election for the person who will be the candidate in the general election. They happen in all fifty states in each of the political parties (with a few exceptions) several months before the general election. In this case, before the 2008 Presidential election. The primaries held first get the most attention, because early wins can help a candidate solidify a nomination. The primaries that are held later in the process (North Carolina, I'm looking at you) have little to no impact on the primary because the nominee may have already secured enough votes to be the candidate, and is now working on the actual presidential election. Still with me? Eat some red M&Ms, they make you smarter. South Carolina recently moved their primary to January (2008), so it is now among the FIRST FOUR IN THE U.S. This means we have been getting candidate visits galore. In January, South Carolinians will get an opportunity to actually make a difference in selecting the Presidential candidate (depending on party, of course). I was totally psyched to be able to take part in this.

Then, as it does, change happened. Yay Josh got a transfer. Yay Josh got a raise. Yay Atlanta will have way more job opportunities for me. Yay we're moving in May...wait...oh no...oh no! OH NO! PRIMARY MADNESS!! Georgia currently has a March primary! They're not going to get near the political attention of South Carolina! Grrrr....

So long story short, I am again relegated to one in 300 million, instead of a very important one in 4 million. :(

Debbie Had A Cute Baby!

Isn't he adorable? His name is Elliot. May I be the first to say "phone home"?

She's Trying To Kill Us All...

...via allergies. That's pollen on her forehead. Ha, ha, suckers, you're reading a blog about someone's cat! Three things you didn't know about Magic:

1. She is simultaneously both a Republican and a raging militant feminist. I can't figure out how she does it.
2. She hates the Eagles, but she loves Bob Seger. Especially "Night Moves". Good kitty!
3. She isn't photogenic. CLEARLY!!

WOO-HOO

Link is in the woo-hoo. Follow to see why I'm a dork!

It's Hard To Be A Grown-Up

I got one foot out the front door today before I realized college instructors normally should wear shoes to work.

That's all.

Just Eradicate Them, Already

Why bother?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/03/19/malaria.resistant.mosquito.ap/index.html

Teal is the new Green

I say teal is the new green, because it is too cold out to wear my green t-shirt and I have no long sleeved green clothes. Which is a travesty, because of my hair. However I am wearing a four-leaf clover necklace, so quit pinching, already.

So I had a great scare Thursday night. It was nearly midnight, and I was waiting up for Josh to come home even though I had to be up early the next morning. Well, I had been obsessively watching NCAA games all evening, and I was not about to turn off the tv and go to bed when No. 1 Carolina was only up by four against #16 Eastern Kentucky. Seriously. Anyway, I hear leaves crunching in the backyard, but I couldn't see out the back window. I turned out the living room lights and turned off the tv and tried to peer out again. Magic jumps up on the couch arm and starts to growl, and then I hear dead silence. She hops off the couch and hides under a table. Useless cat. Anyway, the footsteps resume, and I notice they sound heavy, but cautious. In other words, too big for the stray cats and too careful for a dog. I don't know what kind of crazy (wild) animal it might be. The elusive upstate cougar? An escaped horse? A meth addict looking for a porch to sleep on?

Or, none of the above. I went out and looked around under the windows this morning. I found tracks of at least two deer and possibly three. One is big and another small, so I expect a doe and a baby. Neat! One of the tracks is very, very heavy and I wonder if a buck wasn't with them as well, because it is so deep in the ground. I don't expect them back anytime soon, or at least not until the begonias recover. I hope they steer clear of cars in the neighborhood.

So happy St. Patrick's Day, beware of marauding begonia-chomping deer, and a private message to Nick: Anything less than a 1600 and you're voted out of the family, dude. :)

I'm (Not) Gonna Soak Up the Sun

I will not yield to you, country/pop songs! I refuse to soak up the sun, Sheryl Crowe! Damn ye, oh hated UVA/B rays! I will avoid you like the plague of locusts you are!

That said, I'm headed to Daytona, folks! Whoo-hoo! I just got my letter yesterday. I'm to be an AP reader for U.S. Government and Politics - you know, the written tests high schoolers take to get credit for an advanced course. Josh says it "isn't fair": they're getting a better deal than they realize, because I read so fast. My response: Well, my response was lost to the annals of history as I excitedly thumbed through the "hotel amenities" and activities lists.

The beach is 400 feet away from the convention center we're staying at. I know where I'll be at 5:00 every afternoon. Burning to a crispy fritter while narrowly escaping fearsome marauding dolphin attacks, no doubt. So the actual reading is from 8:30 until 4:45 every day, and then it segues from "working" into "vacation". The convention center looks nice - all oceanfront rooms, and several pools. In April it will house the NCAA finals. Maybe Tyler Hansbrough will leave his face mask, and I can have a keepsake to sell on Ebay.

Here's what I've packed so far:

Sunscreen, #45, 1 gallon
Facial sunscreen, #45, 1 quart
Sunscreen lip balm, #45, 1 pint
Protective hat, a la Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music"
Large protective t-shirts, dark, to prevent sun exposure
Large protective short pants
Sunglasses, Jackie O or grasshopper style, to shield face
Aloe, 1 gallon tub

Probably a swimsuit will come in handy too. As soon as Josh sees what I'll be wearing on the beach (all of the above), he'll realize he needen't worry about my week alone with all those stereotypically male-modelish hot U.S. Government teacher geeks. :) NASCAR, beware!

George Clooney Will Not Leave My Backyard

Well, not exactly. Though there are a great many things in my backyard - two oak trees, one covered in ivy that is possibly of the poisonous variety, half a dozen bushes of unspecified type, one of which produces bright pink flowers in the dog days of summer, a handful of determinedly cheerful daffodils, more acorns than grass, one very confused Easter plant that bloomed purple one uncharacteristically warm January day and then proceeded to die on me, several former houseplants I did my best to kill, and mainly succeeded, and enough birds, squirrels, and chipmunks to attract two or three hopeful looking stray tomcats - but George Clooney is not among these. However, he's a few blocks over, shooting a movie in downtown Anderson. The filming has been going on for about two weeks now, apparently, but I haven't been downtown so I haven't experienced any of it. But this afternoon I ran into mini-Tinseltown, so to speak. I got detoured leaving the library to one block over onto Main Street, where there were more detours. Apparently, the film crew has taken over several streets and parking lots. I drove past several movie trailers, trucks with lots of big gadgets, some guys rolling a camera on a crane, and a crowd of about thirty folks holding cameras outside the old Calhoun hotel. I presume the filming is happening there (or else these folks will be considerably disappointed). The people made me laugh, because the crowd consisted solely of women - young, old and in between. some kids were there too. Mostly they looked bored. Some of them were big enough to cause me to wonder, oughten't they to be in school right now? The drive itself was surreal. I felt like I was on some cheesy movie ride at Universal Studios (which has a bad-ass Incredible Hulk roller coaster, by the way) except I definitely needed to keep both hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. ;) Nudge nudge wink wink. So long story short? The two handsomest men in the world are in Anderson, SC right now, and I owe one of them a game of Scrabble. Maybe if I throw a bucket of water on the one in the backyard, he'll leave. Hey, it works when the tomcats fight one another.

Eminent Domain

Follow the link to an interesting local story about a man who strongly objected to eminent domain. It's all my students have been talking about these days. At least it got them off their Anna Nicole Smith obsession! That, and my requirement they could only mention her in context of her Supreme Court case from a few years back.

UPDATE: He's been sentenced to death. The link is in the post title.

A Treatise On Dishes

I can't decide if this is pure theoretical genius or complete and utter bullshit. Or both.

It starts out with a woman who has not done her dishes for a long, long time. So the thought process goes something like this:

"I must do the dishes before they evolve, set up their own governing system, and plot a takeover of the rest of the house (and instead of doing the dishes already, she goes off on a tangent). What kind of governmental system do you think dishes would set up? Would they go through the traditional humanoid process, beginning with tribes, and eventually evolving into oligarchies and feudalist societies? Would their version of the Magna Carta involve inherent dish rights only for knives and mixing bowls? Would it completely ignore the basic rights of salad plates and smaller cutlery, leaving them to continually drudge in mirthless toil for centuries? Would the dishes eventually evolve into a democracy, or would they prefer a communist collective? Perhaps a benevolent dictatorship, with the all-important rolling pin as the sole political and religious figure? Would he wear a pope hat and drive a popemobile? Oooh, I likee: dishes creating organized religion? Whom would they oppressed? Who are the women and minorities in the dish world? Most importantly, would the dish run away with the spoon?"

Long story short: It's Josh's day off, so he's doing the dishes. :)

The Worst Attempt Ever

Well, I've been on a quest for, say, the last seven weeks. Or so. Billy Joel is coming to the Bi-Lo center! I can't think that without becoming excited! The piano! The voice! Just half an hour from my home! Can you tell I'm psyched?

So the first time I hear this news, I immediately hie over to the internet (preparing to be crestfallen, because I'm no idiot) in search of ticket prices. And Lo, the cheapeth tickets for the show of the Man of Piano were available for sale at the priceth of forty drachmas plus five ($45 bucks). And Lara saw it, and it was not good. Not good.

So what's a woman to do? Clearly, not pay for the tickets. But how to get them free? The idea seemed good enough at first: win them! It was great. I was rocking out to Elton John, Eric Clapton, Stevie Nicks, John Denver (quit teasing), Bob Seger, and of course calling the radio station every single time I heard a Billy Joel song. The results are less than satisfactory. The show is a week away and I still haven't won tickets, AND if I have to listen to Rod Stewart one more time I'm tossing the car radio out the window.

So the moral of the story is six weeks of listening to Lite FM is fine, but seven will drive you nuts.

Bowing to my Inner (Outer) Dork

This is for the literally twos of you who have emailed and requested: Dum dum da dum! My Harry Potter theories.

Voldemort: I feel sure Voldemort will kick the bucket in book seven. My running theory since about book four has been that Neville Longbottom will be the one to roast his rooster, despite Harry as the obvious choice. Lately, I've considered an alternative. Voldemort may die as a result of a mistake he has made (or will make), much in the manner of a Shakespearean tragic flaw (of course, seen here in the villain and not the hero). If Harry does kill Voldemort, it will be in revenge for a recent killing-probably either Hagrid or Ginny.

Dumbledore: "As your official coroner,
I've thoroughly examined Dumbledore.
And he's not only merely dead
He's really most sincerely dead!"
However, Dumbledore will communicate with Harry in the form of advice from his portrait in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts, via Sirius' two-way mirrors. Also, Fawkes will travel with Harry et. al. and will supply Harry with the sword of Gryffindor (again).

Sirius: He will reappear long enough for Kreacher to poke him in the eye with a stick. Shaggy dog/dirty house-elf wrestling will ensue. No mud, hoses, jello, or KY Jelly will be involved.

Aunt Petunia: She is really a witch who has suppressed that part of her. This rejection of part of her personality is what causes her to live so unhappily as a faux-Muggle.

Filch: He will do magic in some desperate circumstance. Animal bestiality laws in the magical realm will be changed, clearing the path for a marriage with his beloved Ms. Norris. Grossness ensues.

The locket Horcrux is currently held by Dumbledore's brother Aberforth. Mundungus Fletcher stole it from Grimmauld Place and passed it to Aberforth for safekeeping on Dumbledore's orders (though none were aware it was a Horcrux at the time). Goat-loving Aberforth will also benefit from the revised bestiality laws, and he and Filch will create a communist collective (okay! I'm sorry!).

Percy Weasley and Draco Malfoy both are redeemed and return to the sides of good.

Snape wants to be a bad guy, but doesn't have it in him. He is spared by Harry only to be killed by Voldemort. What a miserable dude. He should have stuck with the cushy teaching job and taken advantage of the dental plan.

Deaths: Voldemort, Hagrid, possibly Ginny, Snape, and the Weasley twins OR Bill and Charlie OR Percy and Mr. Weasley.

Survivors: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Mrs. Weasley, Draco Malfoy

In the end? Good defeats evil. Hooray!

An Oval Office Conversation

I can't believe I'm posting this, but I pretty much had to. I'm still laughing. It's only a little outdated, but there's still nothing like a good joke at another's expense. But right after I post this, I'm going back into serious professor mode, I promise.

An Oval Office Conversation:

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N. Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

Burning Books

The following is a list of the most challenged books from 1990-2000, according to the ALA (American Library Association). Most people think of these as banned books, but books are actually rarely banned. It's more likely they are challenged, which is an attempted ban. Thankfully most libraries in the U.S. object to pulling titles from their shelves. The little stars indicate which of the top 100 I've read. Take a gander at this list. It's crazy. Some of these are fantastic books.

**1.Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2.Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
**3.I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
**4.The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
**5.The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
**6.Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
**7.Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
**8.Forever by Judy Blume
**9.Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
**10.Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11.Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
**12.My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
**13.The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
**14.The Giver by Lois Lowry
15.It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
**16.Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
**17.A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
**18.The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19.Sex by Madonna
**20.Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
**21.The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
**22.A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
**23.Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24.Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25.In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26.The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
**27.The Witches by Roald Dahl
28.The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
**29.Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30.The Goats by Brock Cole
31.Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
**32.Blubber by Judy Blume
**33.Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34.Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
**35.We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
**36.Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37.The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
**38.Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
**39.The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40.What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide forParents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
**41.To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
**42.Beloved by Toni Morrison
**43.The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44.The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45.Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
**46.Deenie by Judy Blume
**47.Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
48.Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
**49.The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50.Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
**51.A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
**52.Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53.Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54.Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55.Cujo by Stephen King
**56.James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57.The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58.Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59.Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60.American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61.What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide forParents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
**62.Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63.Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64.Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
**65.Fade by Robert Cormier
66.Guess What? by Mem Fox
67.The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
**68.The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69.Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
**70.Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71.Native Son by Richard Wright
72.Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73.Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74.Jack by A.M. Homes
75.Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76.Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
**77.Carrie by Stephen King
**78.Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
**79.On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80.Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81.Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82.Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83.The Dead Zone by Stephen King
**84.The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
**85.Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86.Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87.Private Parts by Howard Stern
88.Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
**89.Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90.Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91.Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92.Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93.Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94.The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95.Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
**96.How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97.View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98.The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99.The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100.Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

I'll post more on this topic later, as soon as I manage to shake the crazy, crazy thought that people want to take books off of shelves.

"Where they first burn books, they will soon burn men." ~~Heinrich Heine

Happy Birthday, Nick!

Happy Birthday to my big brother!