Friday, July 27, 2007

Hillary Clinton's Breasts...Are None Of Our Business

One week ago today, Robin Givham, staff writer at the Washington Post, published a mid-length article based on a glimpse of Hillary Clinton's cleavage during a Senate discussion. Givham then expounds upon the Senator's changing fashion choices over the years. Why is this news? Why did the Washington Post, a reputable newspaper, deign to print something so ridiculously irrelevant to the political spectrum? Sure, it's sexist: it's considerably more difficult to capture men's naughty bits on camera. It highlights the gender issues that seem to bother us so very much in terms of politics. But folks, that issue is only one of plumbing. I am sure there are other issues surrounding Clinton, who is a rather newsworthy individual these days. I am also quite sure that there are many credible issues Givham could delve into, as opposed to ridiculous sensationalist tabloid fodder, if she (or he) really desired.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Severus Snape, I seriously misjudged you

So waaaaay back in January I published my personal Harry Potter theories, speculating as to the final outcome of the seventh book. Well, now that book has been published (if you weren't aware of that, scooch out from under that rock) and quickly read. If you haven't finished the book, skedaddle away because all the big plot points are covered here. So was I right? Let's check out the scorecard! BTW, the purple print is from the original blog entry. The black is new.

1. Voldemort: I feel sure Voldemort will kick the bucket in book seven. My running theory since about book four has been that Neville Longbottom will be the one to roast his rooster, despite Harry as the obvious choice. Lately, I've considered an alternative. Voldemort may die as a result of a mistake he has made (or will make), much in the manner of a Shakespearean tragic flaw (of course, seen here in the villain and not the hero). If Harry does kill Voldemort, it will be in revenge for a recent killing-probably either Hagrid or Ginny.

Well, I nailed this one. At least with my alternative. There's a lesson to be learned here: don't try to become the supreme evildoer of the world, or you will accidentally kill yourself.

2. Dumbledore: "As your official coroner,I've thoroughly examined Dumbledore.And he's not only merely deadHe's really most sincerely dead!"However, Dumbledore will communicate with Harry in the form of advice from his portrait in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts, via Sirius' two-way mirrors.

Dumbledore: really dead. Also, really, really flawed. However, he didn't do an communication with Harry in the way I expected. His brother did, but I wasn't talking about that Dumbledore in the original post!

3. Also, Fawkes will travel with Harry et. al. and will supply Harry with the sword of Gryffindor (again).

Er, no. Was Fawkes in this book? However, the Sorting Hat did throw in an appearance to supply Neville with the sword of Gryffindor.

4. Sirius: He will reappear long enough for Kreacher to poke him in the eye with a stick. Shaggy dog/dirty house-elf wrestling will ensue. No mud, hoses, jello, or KY Jelly will be involved.

Kreacher really was what he had been made. I heart Kreacher.

5. Aunt Petunia: She is really a witch who has suppressed that part of her. This rejection of part of her personality is what causes her to live so unhappily as a faux-Muggle.

This one was my own personal, private belief, despite the fact that J.K. Rowling had said in an interview that Aunt Petunia most definitely was not a witch. So I shot myself in the foot, but on purpose. Incidentally, her anger at the wizarding world stemmed from the fact that she was jealous of her sister's talents.

6. Filch: He will do magic in some desperate circumstance. Animal bestiality laws in the magical realm will be changed, clearing the path for a marriage with his beloved Ms. Norris. Grossness ensues.

No. Thank heavens.

7. The locket Horcrux is currently held by Dumbledore's brother Aberforth. Mundungus Fletcher stole it from Grimmauld Place and passed it to Aberforth for safekeeping on Dumbledore's orders (though none were aware it was a Horcrux at the time). Goat-loving Aberforth will also benefit from the revised bestiality laws, and he and Filch will create a communist collective (okay! I'm sorry!).

My imagination ran a little wild with that last one. Though I still wonder what on earth became of Aberforth and the goats.

8. Percy Weasley and Draco Malfoy both are redeemed and return to the sides of good.

I think I am mostly right here. Percy, obviously, but Malfoy only a little bit.

9. Snape wants to be a bad guy, but doesn't have it in him. He is spared by Harry only to be killed by Voldemort. What a miserable dude. He should have stuck with the cushy teaching job and taken advantage of the dental plan.

Could I have been more wrong? I never would have guessed it: Snape the good guy. I'm glad I didn't have money on this! Interestingly, he is killed by Voldemort.

10. Deaths: Voldemort, Hagrid, possibly Ginny, Snape, and the Weasley twins OR Bill and Charlie OR Percy and Mr. Weasley.

Actual deaths: Voldemort (check!), Snape (check), Fred Weasley (half check!), Mad Eye, Tonks, Lupin, Dobby, and Hedwig. Poor Hedwig! :(

11. Survivors: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Mrs. Weasley, Draco Malfoy

Actual survivors: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Mrs. Weasley, Draco Malfoy. At least I got that right.

12. In the end? Good defeats evil. Hooray!

In the end? Evil defeated its own evil self. Hooray!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

It's Independence Day

Click on the title for a really neat, informative page about the Declaration of Independence. You can even personally sign it!
In between the sparklers and cookouts, take a moment to honor the collective history of the United States of America.